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Fertility Blog

On Mothers Day, I am thinking of you!

Mothers day, the day many dread, for many different reasons, including me!!

I never in a million years thought I would lose my Mum at 31, it was without a doubt the most difficult thing I've ever been though. Watching my best friend slip away.. it nearly killed me, however the pain made me stronger, it made me a better person and now after time, it has made me someone who has the ability to talk openly about feelings... so here we go, I hope this may help someone !!!

Mothers day is a difficult one for me, with mixed emotions, I miss my mum so much, I have my beautiful daughter, meaning I am now a Mum but I also feel this huge guilt that;

1) I don't want to have fun on a day where I should be able to hug my mum..

2) I have the opportunity to be a Mum when so many around me are yet to experience it...

Every advert, I see makes me cringe, I find myself scrolling quickly past Facebook posts, not because I think it is pointless but because it is a constant reminder of the heart break so many will endure on this day.

Today I received an email from a supermarket that said "Spoil your mum" and I felt a clamping in my chest, at not one moment did I think... 'aww I would like that!'

However, I definitely feel I dealt with it better than I would have 5 years ago. So there is progress.

I know it can be a lonely time, so thought I would just write a little message to you, in case you are starting to struggle...

To the beautiful Mummas who have suffered a loss during pregnancy..

Right from the very second you saw those two lines appearing on your pregnancy test, you were in love !! A type of love you didn't know was possible.

Whilst you tried to be realistic, your mind began to wander, imagining what the future held for you as a family, dreaming about their future, aesthetically who they would look like and who's personality they would have..

Unfortunately not all pregnancies end the way we dream, it is important to remember that you carried, nurtured and loved them for their whole life.

A mother is not determined by the children you see !

You are their mother, you always will be and I pray you meet your rainbow baby soon (if you are trying).

To the warrior Mummys who have lost a child due to illness...

I salute you.. I pray for you, to no longer be in pain. I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel. You are strong, courageous, and so brave to wake up each morning ready to fight another day.

There are no words in my vocabulary to explain my sadness for you but one thing I've learnt in my grief process, is that to know someone cares means so much and I truly care and I will be thinking of you.