On Mothers Day, I am thinking of you!
Mothers day, the day many dread, for many different reasons, including me!!
I never in a million years thought I would lose my Mum at 31, it was without a doubt the most difficult thing I've ever been though. Watching my best friend slip away.. it nearly killed me, however the pain made me stronger, it made me a better person and now after time, it has made me someone who has the ability to talk openly about feelings... so here we go, I hope this may help someone !!!
Mothers day is a difficult one for me, with mixed emotions, I miss my mum so much, I have my beautiful daughter, meaning I am now a Mum but I also feel this huge guilt that;
1) I don't want to have fun on a day where I should be able to hug my mum..
2) I have the opportunity to be a Mum when so many around me are yet to experience it...
Every advert, I see makes me cringe, I find myself scrolling quickly past Facebook posts, not because I think it is pointless but because it is a constant reminder of the heart break so many will endure on this day.
Today I received an email from a supermarket that said "Spoil your mum" and I felt a clamping in my chest, at not one moment did I think... 'aww I would like that!'
However, I definitely feel I dealt with it better than I would have 5 years ago. So there is progress.
I know it can be a lonely time, so thought I would just write a little message to you, in case you are starting to struggle...
To the beautiful Mummas who have suffered a loss during pregnancy..
Right from the very second you saw those two lines appearing on your pregnancy test, you were in love !! A type of love you didn't know was possible.
Whilst you tried to be realistic, your mind began to wander, imagining what the future held for you as a family, dreaming about their future, aesthetically who they would look like and who's personality they would have..
Unfortunately not all pregnancies end the way we dream, it is important to remember that you carried, nurtured and loved them for their whole life.
A mother is not determined by the children you see !
You are their mother, you always will be and I pray you meet your rainbow baby soon (if you are trying).
To the warrior Mummys who have lost a child due to illness...
I salute you.. I pray for you, to no longer be in pain. I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel. You are strong, courageous, and so brave to wake up each morning ready to fight another day.
There are no words in my vocabulary to explain my sadness for you but one thing I've learnt in my grief process, is that to know someone cares means so much and I truly care and I will be thinking of you.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve and everyone will react differently to Mother's Day. Unfortunately some people do not know what to say to someone when they are grieving especially when they have never experienced it. I will never forget the week after Mum died, someone I know well, crossed the road to avoid me, later I found out it was because she didn't want to upset me!
Please do not be that person, if you know someone is hurting please send them a ❤ to let them know you care.
I wanted to share with you things I have done on different mothers days, since Mum died.
❤ Had mums ashes turned into glass beads that I wore on our wedding day
❤ Bought the most beautiful statue for my clinic
❤ Scattered bee and butterfly bombs in our garden, seeing butterflies always make me feel like Mum is near by.
❤ Bought beautiful colourful wall plaques for the house that really glisten in the sun.
To all of my wonderful friends, family and clients who have lost their mums... I feel your pain.. This is a snippet of a poem I love and share frequently!
"As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
My advice for Sunday
❤Turn off the TV
❤ Start a new tradition
❤ Stay off of social media
❤ Take some quite time by yourself
❤ Stand bare foot on the grass and take 10 deep breaths
❤ Express to your loved ones how you would like to spend the day before hand
❤ Most of all you aren't alone, reach out to others in the same situation it can be very comforting.
Much love... I am holding each and every one of your hands
K xx
